If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Randomize
