you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
