i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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