you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
