i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
she told me i tasted like america
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
