Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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