Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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