didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
