Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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