Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
