I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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