i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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