I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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