I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Drunk is not a location!
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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