who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
