Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
