Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
