while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize