First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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