Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Randomize
