i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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