Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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