I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
pray to the hookup gods
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
