I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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