Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
