it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
My penis needs a shock collar
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize