Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
