I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
where are you?
Hypothermia
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
