I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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