i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
