I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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