I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
