I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
