Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
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