Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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