i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
