I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
