omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
