i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
So vagazzling was a success
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
