so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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