I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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