$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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