If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
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I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
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We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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