Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
