Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
