My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
