see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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