Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
