ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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