I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
