Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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