my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Randomize
