i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
