i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
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she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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