i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize