two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
