apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
