I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
It's official drugs can't kill me
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
