Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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