Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
