i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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