mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
