One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
