I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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