i would punch a child for taco bell
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
