oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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