I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
