Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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