she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
