I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
it's like heaven, but drunker
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
