My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
