I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
