C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
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