I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
