she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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